Do you use plain packaging?

Yes, we ship all Fecalgrams™ in plain packaging with absolutely no indication of what is inside. See a sample here. The return address does not say "fecalgram.com" or anything that would identify the contents. Inside the shipping boxes is another story altogether. We strive to make every fecalgram look like an expensive gift. Each one is packaged in a jewelery-quality display box, which is heat-sealed, shrink wrapped, and includes fine ribbon for free. If you choose to add gift-wrap, we professionally gift-wrap it prior to adding ribbon. They really look great!

Are these those plastic novelty turds?

Absolutely not! We would never sell plastic turds. We at fecalgram.com have a reputation to uphold. Each one of our turds is completely natural, unique, fresh, and made to order. Guaranteed!

Are these real turds?

They're as real as you're going to get. Each one is a freshly-squeezed, 100% natural, human-made turd. One of our repeat customers calls them, "truly revolting shit". We would have to agree. However, they are not made of actual feces, but they look and feel like it. They are completely non-toxic.

Isn't sending human feces to someone illegal?

Yes, unfortunately it is. That is why we don't recommend that you box up your own poop and ship it to someone. If you do, we cannot be held responsible. Instead, you're much better off sending a Fecalgram™, and you can do it right here at fecalgram.com, securely and anonymously!

A Fecalgram is made of feces, right?

No, fecalgrams are not feces and do not contain anything that has passed through the digestive tract of any animal. They are completely non-toxic.

Is a Fecalgram edible?

Fecalgrams are made of natural ingredients and are completely non-toxic. However, they are not intended for human consumption, or consumption by any animal for that matter. We cannot be held responsible if you choose to eat one. By the way, you're a sick puppy if you want to.

So what are the ingredients?

The exact ingredients of a Fecalgram™ are proprietary, so we cannot share them with you. We can tell you that they are made primarily of a mixture of water, salt, and flour. They may contain trace amounts of peanuts and or peanut oil because some of the ingredients may have been processed in a plant that also processed ground and/or tree nuts and/or their byproducts. We do not add any peanut or nut products to the recipe. They are non-toxic, non-irritating, and non-allergenic except if you are allergic to wheat gluten or potential trace amounts of any of the nut products/byproducts mentioned above. There is no MSDS sheet required for a Fecalgram™.

Does a Fecalgram™ smell?

Because a Fecalgram™ does not contain real feces it doesn't smell like a big, steamy, toilet-clogging dump. However, it does have an odor which is similar to a dough-based product popular with children and sold at toy stores everywhere. We do not add any "stink bomb" sulfur compounds to the recipe.