*DAMN R6 Forum

It has beena long time now, nearly a year, since ?K started. It has also been a year since something else happened, a deep, dark something that could be called "evil", "cruel", "menacing", "sexy", and "a threat to civilization as a whole." As you might guess, this is not a very nice thing. But there is a long story behind it, and now that i'm finally got over my issues with it i am prepared to tell you. So gather round, boys and girls. It's circle time, and today you're going to hear a dark, cruel tale of how this all began.

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It all began on August 23rd 2001, at the beach late one night while i was watching the perseid metor showers. It was an clear day at the beach, which is nearly unheard of in northern California. Anyways, i was out at the beach, lying on the rocks watching the sky when all of a sudden i saw a massive meteor come in. My first thoughts were "oh fuck, i'm gonna get vaporized", because it was comming straight at me. I got up and started running, but suddenly felt light headed and disoriented. Whil i was running, i must have tripped on a rock, because the next thing i knew i was falling, falling, falling, and i didn't stop. I just kept falling. It's a very weird feeling. At this point, my freak-o-meter was pegged way past "OH FUCK!" and i finally felt the effects of that and passed out.

When i awoke, i was lying down. I did a quick mental check, and i realized that no, i wasn't dead, or yes, there is an afterlife. I sat up, looked around me, and found myself lying in the middle of a large pasture, a single fenced in square about 400 yards to a side in a endless sea of rolling green hills. A light breeze was blowing, and there were but a few clouds in the sky. In the pasture with me there were hundreds upon hundreds of sheep.

But there was somethign wrong with these sheep. Something wasn't quite right. They were wearing clothes. Over their wool. But not just any clothes. They wore kinky clothes. One had on a  leather thong, another had full bondage gear on. some were wearing nothing at all. but the scary part, the scary part was what they were doing.

Upon seeing what they were doing, i got really fuckin' freaked out. I tried to get to my feet, and only then did i notice that my hand and feet were tied to the ground with the same grass i was lying on. i struggled to get up, but couldn't break free of its evil grasp. Unfortunately the sheep noticed my struggling and started walking over towards me. This was really scary. I struggled harder, but it seemed the more i struggled the tighter the grasses grip got.

Halway to me, they stoped. They stood there for a moment, reached down, picked up a flamethrower and shot it straight into the sky. Thsi is when i realized how slient it had been. Then they stopped shooting it, set it down, and a cloud of smoke drifted over me. Then they started running towards me.

In just moments, they were all around me, fiddling with their whips, chains clinking. I feared for my wubberly man breasts and my smooth, hairy bottom. When they got to me, they stood around me and just stared as if they were expecting something. Then all their eyes started glowing red. Bright red. The kind of red you see when you look into a laser pointer. I closed my eyes, but i could still see the light. Then i awoke to find my brother shining a laser pointer in my eyes.

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that is all i have to say for now.

LMFAO. An Admin is gonna lock this thread I know it. (http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~damnr6/yabbse/YaBBImages/icon_lol.gif) (http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~damnr6/yabbse/YaBBImages/icon_lol.gif) (http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~damnr6/yabbse/YaBBImages/icon_lol.gif) (http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~damnr6/yabbse/YaBBImages/icon_lol.gif)

And right they should...beastiality with sheep is reserved for one member of this group who shall remain forever in memory.

hmm, no news in the forums again..  :)

Hmm...what to say?

Isn't it spelled "bestiality" ?

"Bestiality"? what is this "bestiality" you speak of? is that just with the beasts you like best? ;D

i do believe bondo got it right. Why do i know this? do you really want to ask that question?

All i can say is... (http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~damnr6/yabbse/YaBBImages/shocked2.gif)

beastiality is sexual acts with an animal...

anyway, there is no need to lock this thread yet until it turns into a bitchfest like most other threads turn into.

without further ado, i give you!

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It is dark in my room. It is dark in the bathroom. It is dark outside. It is dark everywhere. My vision is permanently altered by my brother's pseudo-surgery with a non-regulation laser. Everything is splotchy and dark, like a bad trip. I can still see a ghost of the laser beam in my eyes. This is cool.

I lie on the couch, staring at the celing fan, moving my eyes so that is dissappears when i look directly at it. At that moment... i hear something outside. At first, it sounds like rolling thunder. I look up to see giant flashes of lightning dancing across the ground. Holy fuck! it was thunder! As i gaze out the window, i see the lightning dancing dangerously close to the local Foster Farms Genetic Research Facility.

The lightning subsides after a short while, and i hear another sound after the thunder dies away... it starts quietly...

"bgggaaaaaaaaaaaaaakkkk!"

gets a little louder...

"bgggaaaaaaaaaaaaaakkkk!"

then suddenly, it gets bright. i look out the window, and a huge fireball is forming over the Foster Farms Genetic Research Facility. Then the shockwave hits, and with it i hear..

"BGGGAAAAAAAAAKKKKK!!"

Against the firey backdrop, i see a giant Chicken Shilouete. HOLY FUCK! That's not just any giant chicken. Look a little closer. It's wearing leather. i see chains. It's holdin a whip. There's a devilish glare in its eyes. IT'S A GIANT DOMINATRIX CHICKEN FROM HELL!

"BGGGAAAAAAAAAKKKKK!!"

But what is this? From the hills pours an Army of Sadistic Lesbian Sheep with Flamethrowers from the planet Quarzon! They aim their flamethrowers at the Giant Dominatrix Chicken from Hell, and FOOOOM! the entire sky fills with flame. But whats this? the Chicken enjoys the fire! Flaming, it lashes its whip at the sheep. but what is this? this sheep enjo the shipping! the sheep fire teh flamethrowers again! the chicken whips them! they're having a sadistic orgy of pain and fire at the Foster Farms Genetic Research Facility!

As i lay watching this all happen, i suddenly hear something behind me.

"BGGGAAAAAAAAAKKKKK!!"

shuddering, i turn around to see a Army of Giant Dominatrix Chickens from Hell, each holding a whip, each staring right at me. Upon seeing them, i scream and try to run, but they all rush at me with their whips, and i feel a sharp CRACK and feel a stinging pain on my back. CRACK! again. CRACK! then i hear another noise.. a human voice..

"WAKE UP, DUMBSHIT! YOU'RE GONNA BE LATE FOR SCHOOL!"

CRACK!

My brother is whipping me with a jump rope.

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that is all for now.

hahah, good stories capt.  

cheers  (http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~damnr6/yabbse/YaBBImages/beer.gif)

i wonder if they have help lines for people like you

Freud <sp?> would have a field day with you

Yes his name is Sigmund Freud if you mean the psychologist!(Another famous Austrian) - *DAMN Mauti

Yes i mean the psychologist, thanks mauti. -Brain

Once again, all I can say is:  (http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~damnr6/yabbse/YaBBImages/shocked2.gif)

All i can say is  (http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~damnr6/yabbse/YaBBImages/shocked2.gif) (http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~damnr6/yabbse/YaBBImages/shocked2.gif) (http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~damnr6/yabbse/YaBBImages/shocked2.gif) (http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~damnr6/yabbse/YaBBImages/shocked2.gif) (http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~damnr6/yabbse/YaBBImages/shocked2.gif) (http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~damnr6/yabbse/YaBBImages/shocked2.gif) (http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~damnr6/yabbse/YaBBImages/shocked2.gif)LMAO fuckin Funny Stories I LOVE THEM!

Good old Sigmund and his psychoanalytical theory

more stories please! i wanna  (http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~damnr6/yabbse/YaBBImages/shocked2.gif) (http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~damnr6/yabbse/YaBBImages/shocked2.gif) (http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~damnr6/yabbse/YaBBImages/shocked2.gif) more!

so gripping... want to read sequel.... WRITE FASTER CAPT  (http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~damnr6/yabbse/YaBBImages/banana.gif)

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It is dark. My backside is sore. I am tired. So tired. Sleep Beckons. I roll over. I yawn. Everything goes black. And by black, i mean darker than it already was. i mean totally BLACK The kind of black where you can't see the hand in front of your face. The kind of black you never, ever want to see. unless you dead.

Suddenly, i feel a tremendous shaking and hear a massive explosion. I'm thrown from my bed and look up just in time to see teh sky fill with red. oh shit! It's those damn lesbian sadist sheep with flamethrowers! They're still fighting the Giant Chicken Dominatrix! The Foster Farms Genetic Research Facility is in ruins! Runf or the hills! Wait no, don't run for the hills! There's nothign but more sheep there! AHHHHHHGGGG!!!

Suddenly, a strang, electrionc sound resonates accross the valley. This sound is so intense, it's ten times more intense then sitting next to a lowrider at a stoplight. It's ten times more intense then standing right next to the speakers at a rave. This sound, so intese, makes a single sound.

"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooof!

Everything stops. The sheep stop flaming. The chickens stop whipping. they all look up and their eyes grow wide. The sheeps eyes glow. The chickens eyes glow. i look up. i gasp.

Slowly spinning down from the heavens is a highly pixelated icon. It keeps comming down, filling more and more of the sky. In mere moments, it covers the entire sky. All i can see in the sky is 1024 squares of color. Again the sound resonates, this time ten times more intense then it was the first

"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooof!"

I look back down at the sheep and chickens. The are bowing, kneeling, clucking, ba-ing, wailing, generally humbling themself before this gigantic mass of colored squares. I run outside so i can see the entire sky. i look straight up, and suggenly i realize what it is. It is Clarus, the infamous dogcow of cupertino.

"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooof!"

Suddenly, the chickens snap. with a giant chorus of "BGAAAAAK!" they all huddle together, bind their whips into a single massive whip and then they start chanting in chicken-speak:

"bak bak bgak!
bak bak bgak!
bgak! bgak! bgak!"

As they chanted, they started melting. within minutes, there was nuthign but abubbling puddle of chicken goop. but out of this goop was a giant point protruding... no, it was a beak! then a head! a giant head! and a neck! AHHHHG!! FROM THE PUDDLE EMERGED A SUPER GIANT DOMINATRIX CHICKEN FROM HELL!

But the sheep weren't going to give up that easily. Suddenly, they stood up on their hind legs, reached behind their head, and pulled forwards! off came their heads, and underneath were masks! some were red, soem were blue, some were green, some were yellow, some were pink. They ripped of the rest of their sheep-costumes, and i saw who it was! it was the POWER RANGERS! They formed a gigantic circle, pointed their hands to the sky and yelled:

"GO MEGASHEEP!"

what happened next has been immortalized in poem:

"Their fists all raised
a symbol of might
the rangers rose
into the night

but from the ground
beneath their feet
up came something
t'was ?ber-leet

its head was colossal
it body gigantic
its size was so huge
it would dwarf the titantic

It held a giant flamethrower
in its right hoof
its head was really
a massive control booth

This thing before me
i wanted to fell
so i could tell my friends
MEGASHEEP was real!

Super Giant Chicken
made the first move
and struck out at MEGASHEEP
caught its right hoof

MEGASHEEP just "Baa"ed
and lowerd it flamedthower
its brow seemed to furrow
it eyes seemed to glower

it pulled the trigger
there was a foom
the sky was so bright
then came the BOOM!

somewhere underground
the earth must have split
the ground shook and rumbled
but it didn't quit!

the shaking continued
for what seemed like hours
MEGASHEEP bent over
it sniffed the flowers

But then from above
The sky got all bright
Everyone look up
And Clarus entered the fight

with a gigantic MOOF!
and a terrible squeal
Clarus gave MEGASHEEP
a really raw deal

see clarus is so thin
please, do not scoff
clarus flew down spinning
and cut MEGASHEEPS head off

it turned to the Chicken
and aimed for its neck
But the chicken was faster
and then i heard a SCHMECK

Now this sound
it was highly unpleasant
clarus the dogcow
was suddenly all bent

no longer 2D
it could not hide
and on that battlefield
Clarus the dogcow Died.

Some say he'll return
some other day
in some other body
in some other way

But you and i know
Clarus is still skinny
in some other land
sipping a martini"

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lmfao capt

Errr, interesting?

capt. definatly has a gift for humor.

have you ever seriously considerered writing?

The writing really is impressive, if somewhat psychotic.  Flame you should really read these stories.

For those of you who learn grammar from porn sites, here's a link to a dictionary:

http://www.dictionary.com/search?q=beastiality (http://www.dictionary.com/search?q=beastiality)

You'll notice that it links to the proper spelling from that page. . .

Yes, I happened to be typing bestiality for a newsgroup message (don't ask why I'm constantly typing bestiality) and the spell check caught it so I knew I was wrong...makes sense for it to be beastiality though...it just isn't.